


felinus

by ladydawn



Category: TWRP | Tupper Ware Remix Party (Band)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 07:38:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11893074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladydawn/pseuds/ladydawn
Summary: Commander Meouch deals with some stereotypical cat stuff.(a.k.a lee posted a thing on tumblr and i wanted to write it)





	felinus

Meouch felt something in his mane and he knew in his heart that it wasn't the product he used after showering. He scratched until his scalp was raw, and then shifted the hand into a paw, and scratched some more. "What the fuck?" he said, pulling away to find a couple dots stuck under his claws.

He barrelled down the hallway, scratching not only his mane but his hairy arms and his back oh god it's in that place he can't reach and -

"DOC!" he yelled, pushing the door wide open.

Doc raised his head from his desk. "WHAT!" he said at the same volume (loud) and urgency (super).

"Tell me what the motherfuck are these."

Doc took Meouch's paw and turned it over to see under the claws. Meouch shifted uncomfortably as the number of itch scratchers went down from two to one. "Uhh... Ticks? No. Tardigrades," Doc said.

"What?"

"Water space bears."

Meouch pulled his hand away. "Okay great. Let me just search up 'itchy tardigrades'. Thanks, Doc," he said.

"I don't appreciate that tone."

Meouch didn't say anything as he walked away.

"I'm right!"

Meouch sat at the kitchen island and spent about five minutes looking up tardigrades online before realizing Doc had no idea what he was talking about. That, and he just couldn't take the itching anymore. He needed it gone.

It's definitely a bug, though, he thought, and tried to find a certain murderbot on his space on the couch.

Instead, after a very irritating search wherin he began to literally bite his arms, Meouch found Havve on the ground in the garden, focusing his laser eyes on an anthill.

"Hey man."

HELLO.

"Whatcha doin'?"

ANTS. DID YOU KNOW -

"We all know. Of course we do. It's your favourite fact to tell, Havve."

THAT AN ANT CAN LIFT TEN TIMES ITS OWN BODY WEIGHT?

"Yes, Havve."

THEREFORE, IF AN ANT WAS ONE TENTH THE SIZE OF NEW YORK CITY -

"Yes, Havve."

IT COULD LIFT -

"Yes, Havve!"

NEW YORK CITY.

"Okay, that's interesting." Meouch scratched the other side of his head through his thick mane, and came out with more of the little spots under his nails. "I think these are bugs. What do you think?"

Havve looked for approximately .02 seconds before saying CTENOCEPHALIDES FELIS.

"Whazzat?"

FLEAS.

A beat. Then a couple more.

"FLEAS?" Meouch yelled. Then, a yelling whisper, "I got fuckin' fleas?" He stared down at his paws in horror.

YES.

"HOW DID I GET FUCKIN' FLEAS?"

DID YOU CHECK THE CAT.

"WHAT?"

STOP YELLING. DID YOU CHECK THE CAT?

"DANGUS?"

WE ALL KNOW HIS STUPID NAME, COMMANDER.

Meouch stared at Havve, muttered a thanks, and marched into the house. (D)Angus sat in a patch of sunlight in the corner of the dining room, pumping one of his back legs against his ear wildly. Meouch scooped him up.

"Hey, ya little shit," he said, plopping down on the floor and trapping Dangus in his crossed legs. "What d'ya have in here?"

Meouch picked through the cat's fur and found the little dots. "You son of a bitch," he growled at the cat. Dangus stared up at him unbothered.

"You know what you did." Meouch pointed at him, then walked off to find Phobos and get something to treat him. And Dangus.

* * *

After Lord Phobos laughed and laughed, Meouch and Dangus sat in the tub, Meouch spreading the shampoo everywhere he physically could while Lord Phobos worked through the smaller cat's fur.

can you put on some pants? Lord Phobos asked tiredly, referring to Meouch's very torn up underwear.

"No. I gotta get all these little fuckin'..."

say it.

" _Fleas_ off of me."

Lord Phobos was elated that Meouch had to deal with this. okay, he said, i just feel kinda weird i had to ask you to leave your underwear on in the first place, too, dude.

"Whatever."

Doc and Havve watched in the hall across from the bathroom's open door, amused.

"Wow, for once, I was wrong!" Doc said.

FOR ONCE?

"Shut up, Havve."

**Author's Note:**

> hey lee.  
> hey lee.  
> thanks.


End file.
